Wednesday Golf Jokes…

Don’t Pee In My Flowers or else…..

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them.

 Thanks for telling me, officer. "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden.

It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know Then I thought, why not make the best of it?" "So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.

Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes."

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!"

"Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

“Not everybody pays."………………..

Have a “Quality Time Day.”

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Borrowed the joke from somewhere…..THANKS………..

Funny Monday..How MEN and Women Record Things in their Diaries

 

 #7 COUNT DOWN TO 500TH BLOG POST..AMAZING

WIFE’S DIARY….

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.

He agreed, but he didn't say much.I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing..' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.

About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried.

I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a …………………….

Husband's Diary:

A two-foot putt.......... who the hell misses a two-foot putt ?

Thanks for stopping by.

Technorati Tags: FUNNY MONDAY,GOLF,JOKES,QUALITY TIME

1. Old Lady & The Farmer For Funny Monday.

2. Cab Driver Goes to Heaven for FUNNY MONDAY

3.Funny Monday::Tee Time Golf..a quality time

problem

 

 Thanks to Google images

 

> 1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about > your foe > than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. Grantland > Rice > > 2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how > childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent > inability to > count past five. John Updike > 3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place > the world > is when one is playing golf. Robert Lynd > 4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the > ball, the > game of golf would be played far better than it is. Horace > G. Hutchinson > > 5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. > Golf is more > complicated than that. Gardner Dickinson > 6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as > they do > a golf club, they'd starve to death. Sam Snead > 7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. > William > Wordsworth > 8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. Dean > Martin > 9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to > throw it > ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to > waste energy going > back to pick it up. Tommy Bolt > 10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels > personally > responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. Bishop Sheen > 11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew > tomatoes they'd > come up sliced. Arnold Palmer > 12. My handicap? Woods and irons. Chris Codiroli > 13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody > would > put a flag stick on top. Pete Dye > 14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a > terrible time > getting out of them! Buddy Hackett > 15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing > golf. > Billy Graham > 16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try > picking up the > wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon > 17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf > balls while > they are still rolling. Mark Twain > 18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are > plenty. Harry > Vardon > 19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without > being > good at either of them. Jimmy DeMaret > 20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still > waters. > Ben Hogan > 21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, > it's a hook. > If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. All Us Hackers > 22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf > you can't > improve your lie. George Deukmejian > 23. And Finally- Golf is a game invented by the same > people who > think music comes out of a bagpipe. Lee Trevino >