MY QUALITY TIME: FUNNY MONDAY

Showing posts with label FUNNY MONDAY. Show all posts

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Health Issues Funny Of The Day….

Came in an Email:::

“You have a lot of boring health issues,so I’m prescribing medical marijuana for myself.”

Have a great day………….

Technorati Tags: BORING,FUNNY

Saturday, March 22, 2014

She gave him a sexy little smile

"Have you ever seen twenty dollars

all crumpled up?", a woman asked her husband.
"No", he said.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down into the cleavage

created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled twenty.
He took the crumpled twenty from her and smiled approvingly.
"Have you ever seen fifty dollars

all crumpled up?", she asked.
"Uh...no, I haven't", he said with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties

and pulled out a crumpled fifty.
He took the crumpled fifty and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now", she said, "Have you ever seen $10,000 dollars all crumpled up?"
"No way", he said while, obviously becoming even more excited.

"Well, go look in the garage!

It wasn’t the best of days LOL..Into each life a little rain will fall.. This time a sheet of black ice was the culprit….

Technorati Tags: SEXY,SMILE,JOKES

She gave him a sexy little smile

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Little Joey & the Priest

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'..
The priest asks ,Is that you, little Joey?
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'
Well, Joey, I sure will find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
' Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Frankie slides over whispering 'What'd you get?'
Joey replies, "4 months vacation and 4 good leads"

Just Got The News….

I Didn’t Get Hired.. I Guess I Was Just To Honest

Job Interview:

Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Joe Todd: "My honesty."

Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is necessarily a weakness."

Joe Todd: "I don't really give a shit what you think."

Have a great day….

Monday, February 24, 2014

Funny Monday At My Quality Time….

Our Neighbor here in Lancaster, Ohio. was returning home from work, a blonde,

she was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,

patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman...!!!

That’ all folks.. Have a great day…

Technorati Tags: JOKES,FUNNY MONDAY,LAUGH,BLONDE

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Peaches & Peas a Love Story

An elderly woman was arrested for shoplifting from a grocery store.
When she went before the judge he asked her, "what did you steal"

She replied, " a can of peaches".

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches. She replied that she was hungry.
The judge asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "six". The judge said, "then I will give you six days in jail".

Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman's husband
asked if he could say something. "What is it ?' the judge asked. The husband said, "she also stole a can of peas"

Now isn’t that TRUE LOVE

Have a

Day

Technorati Tags: LOVE STORY

CAME IN AN EMAIL….

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Truth About The Christmas Angel….

MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM LANCASTER,OHIO……

Not very many people know this::

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not very many people know this.

So, now you know…..Have a great one….

Technorati Tags: CHRISTMAS,ANGEL,JOKE

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Speeding Ticket

This should at least make you smile.. This came in an email and made me LOL…

SPEEDING TICKET... I got stopped for speeding yesterday!
I THOUGHT I COULD TALK
MY WAY OUT OF IT, UNTIL THE OFFICER LOOKED AT
MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT

Have a great day….

Technorati Tags: FUNNY

Sunday, December 01, 2013

Sex or What for Funny Monday

Sex or What for Funny Monday

This came in an email and I thought you might enjoy.

Facial expression interpretations are an important part of respected psychometric tests. In the following pictures you see women with a range of facial expressions. Study the expressions, and, try to imagine what single act each is experiencing:

Scroll down.

They are all about to sneeze!

And by the way......

hope you enjoyed..Have a great day….

Technorati Tags: FUNNY MONDAY

EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA

“When God created Adam and Eve, He said:
I only have two gifts:...One is the art of peeing standing ...And then Adam stepped forward and shouted: ME!, ME!, ME!,
I would love it please ... Lord, please, please!
Look, it will make my life substantially easier.
Eve nodded, and said those things did not matter to her. Then God gave Adam the gift and he began to shout for joy. He ran through the garden of Eden and used it to wet all the trees and bushes, ran down the beach making drawings with his pee in the sand ...
Well, he would not stop showing off.
God and Eve watched the man crazy with happiness and Eve asked God: What is the other gift? ' God answered:
Eve,..... a brain ... and it is for you ...!”

That’s all folks…