Saturday, September 21, 2019

Global Warming


One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife  was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.The next  morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.'Cathy', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my  underwear?' She  replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!
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Friday, September 20, 2019

Tomatoes and Bacon


Looking forward to an awesome 2020. Cheers.
Life is like a journey on a train...with its stations...with changes of routes...
and with accidents ! We board this train when we are born and our parents are the ones who get our ticket. We believe they will always travel on this train with us. However, at some station our parents will get off the train, leaving us alone on this journey. As time goes by, other passengers will board the train, many of whom will be significant - our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of our life. Many will get off during the journey and leave a permanent vacuum in our lives. Many will go so unnoticed that we won't even know when they vacated their seats and got off the train ! This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, good-byes, and farewells. A good journey is helping, loving, having a good relationship with all co passengers... and making sure that we give our best to make their journey comfortable. The mystery of this fabulous journey is : We do not know at which station we ourselves are going to get off. So, we must live in the best way - adjust, forget, forgive and offer the best of what we have. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to leave our seat... we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life." Thank you for being one of the important passengers on my train... don't know when my station will come... don't want to miss saying: "Thank you"
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Thursday, September 19, 2019

Kick In The Nuts


 I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then.. Try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but..
When you’re seventy...............who cares?
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Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Golfer Beware





A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, officer. "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know Then I thought, why not make the best of it?" "So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes." "Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!" "Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?" “Not everybody pays."
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Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Don't Pee In Your Pants





There was once a country boy who hated using the outhouse because it was hot in the summer and freezing in the winter...plus it stank all the time. The outhouse was situated on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. So one day after a spring rain the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.  That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing this meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."  The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree."

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Monday, September 16, 2019

Air Pressure





During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.  When the baby began crying during   the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.                                                        
The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly                                          offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "that's a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!"
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.
The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed,
"And all these years, I've been chewing gum." 
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Sunday, September 15, 2019

Laugh or Not


An old man and woman were married for many years.          Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep  into the night.          The old man would shout: "When I die, I will dig my way up and  out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"          Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was  feared.          To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.          His wife had a closed casket at the funeral.          After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety,  asked: "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out  of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"         The wife said, "Let him dig.  I had him buried upside down, and  I know he won't ask for directions."





Saturday, April 20, 2019

No Charge For Love


A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies.""Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies.""Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
"How much?" asked the little boy...
"No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

Have a Quality Time day..

Came in an email.... 

Sunday, February 24, 2019

True Friends...A Joke...And More


 TRUE FRIENDS TRUE FRIENDS TRUE FRIENDS TRUE FRIENDS TRUE FRIENDS TRUE FRIENDS TRUE FRIENDS TRUE FRIENDS




It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn't heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore's stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore.
"Hello Eeyore," said Pooh.
"Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet," said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice.
"We just thought we'd check in on you," said Piglet, "because we hadn't heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay."
Eeyore was silent for a moment. "Am I okay?" he asked, eventually. "Well, I don't know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That's what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven't bothered you. Because you wouldn't want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now."
Pooh looked at Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.
Eeyore looked at them in surprise. "What are you doing?"
"We're sitting here with you," said Pooh, "because we are your friends. And true friends don't care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are."
"Oh," said Eeyore. "Oh." And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.
Because Pooh and Piglet were There. No more; no less.
[and, sometimes that’s all it takes]
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The above came in an email and I thought it was worth sharing.
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AND NOW YOU KNOW

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Photo Corner



Jekyll Island is located off the coast of the U.S. state of Georgia, in Glynn County. It is one of the Sea Islands and one of the Golden Isles of Georgia barrier islands. The island is owned by the State of Georgia and run by a self-sustaining, self-governing body.






Linda says,  "Have a Quality Time Day"

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Hike At Christmas Rocks State Nature Preserve (A Repost)

MQTlogoa Another virtual hike at “My Quality Time.”

Middle top of Google earth view: The most spectacular feature at Christmas Rocks is the scenic vista from the top of the formation known as Jacob’s Ladder.
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Orange: Jacobs Ladder Trail. The “r” in the word Ladder is about the top of the formation.
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Start of the trail. The southerly loop has one climb called climbing Jacobs Ladder. It is not for the faint of heart but is worth the climb. The top holds a wonderful view of the entire valley. The entrance to Christmas Rocks is along a gravel access road.
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At this point the trail veers right into the woods.
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DSC_0066 looking back at the barn..
DSC_0067 Kiwanis building on the hill. Don’t know if it is still used or what.
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Above photo: Arney Run is in the Streams category for Fairfield County in the state of Ohio. Arney Run is displayed on the Clearport USGS quad topo map. The approximate elevation is 820 feet (250 meters) above sea level.
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Getting ready to start the Jacobs ladder loop trail.
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The Jacobs Ladder rock formation sits about 200 feet above Arney Run. I would guess the rock formation itself is 60 to 70 feet tall.
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Steepest part of trail. Stopped and took a break on the way up.
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The top of that rock formation is where we are headed. this is a typical Hocking Hills Blackhand sandstone outcropping.
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DSC_0102 Just about there…
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DSC_0114 The top… Yea……
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Then the clouds came in to make for a little drama.
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Read about Christmas Rocks at Moderately Active Ohio….. Time to head back down..
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Some top hikes in Ohio:
1. The 2-mile loop at Mill Creek Park in Youngstown
2. Lamping Homestead Trail in Graysville
3. Ash Cave at Hocking Hills State Park
4. Gorge Trail Metropark in Cuyahoga Falls
5. Lake Trail at Clear Creek Metropark in Franklin County
6. Monroe Overlook Trail at Wayne National Forest
7. Quail Hollow State Park Trail in Hartville
8. Christmas Rocks State Nature Preserve in Lancaster
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Coming down was a lot easier than going up.
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Heading back to the truck and heading home. Was a great hike. The temp was mid 40’s and I didn’t meet another sole on the trail.
DSC_0163 The sun comes out when the hike is over… Go figure………..
jtf1 Not to bad for an “old man”
Christmas Rocks State Nature Preserve & the Jacobs Ladder Trail
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