Joke For Today

Precious Little
Girl
Joke For Today

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

> 1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about > your foe > than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. Grantland > Rice > > 2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how > childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent > inability to > count past five. John Updike > 3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place > the world > is when one is playing golf. Robert Lynd > 4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the > ball, the > game of golf would be played far better than it is. Horace > G. Hutchinson > > 5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. > Golf is more > complicated than that. Gardner Dickinson > 6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as > they do > a golf club, they'd starve to death. Sam Snead > 7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. > William > Wordsworth > 8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. Dean > Martin > 9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to > throw it > ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to > waste energy going > back to pick it up. Tommy Bolt > 10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels > personally > responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. Bishop Sheen > 11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew > tomatoes they'd > come up sliced. Arnold Palmer > 12. My handicap? Woods and irons. Chris Codiroli > 13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody > would > put a flag stick on top. Pete Dye > 14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a > terrible time > getting out of them! Buddy Hackett > 15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing > golf. > Billy Graham > 16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try > picking up the > wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon > 17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf > balls while > they are still rolling. Mark Twain > 18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are > plenty. Harry > Vardon > 19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without > being > good at either of them. Jimmy DeMaret > 20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still > waters. > Ben Hogan > 21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, > it's a hook. > If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. All Us Hackers > 22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf > you can't > improve your lie. George Deukmejian > 23. And Finally- Golf is a game invented by the same > people who > think music comes out of a bagpipe. Lee Trevino >

2 comments:

Snowbrush said...

You've probably heard by now that Updike died today.
I've never played golf--not that I avoided it, just that no one ever asked me to go with them.

JOE TODD said...

I started playing golf about five years ago (very badly)Fortunately, I have been able to improve slowly. Last year on a par 3 172 yard hole using a 7 iron I got a hole-in-one.. What a thrill