The size of a Womens.....

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!’. A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

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Joe Conservative

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance -- now Joe gets it, too.

He prepares his morning breakfast: bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment checks because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the taxpayer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved conservatives have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have." 

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No Charge For Love

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies.""Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies.""Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies.""Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
"How much?" asked the little boy...
"No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

Have a Quality Time day..

Came in an email.... 

A Senior Citizen and His Corvette

A “Quality Time” joke and more……

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

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    “Not many of us are living at our best. We linger in the lowlands because we are afraid to climb the mountains. The steepness and ruggedness dismay us, and so we stay in the misty valleys and do not learn the mystery of the hills. We do not know what we loose in our self-indulgence, what glory awaits us if only we had the courage for the mountain climb, what blessing we should find if only we would move to the uplands of God.”

Have a great day and always take the path less taken. (Photos from Cades Cove)

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Johnny Appleseed .. Pigeon Roost Farm .. After Apple-Picking BY ROBERT FROST

Johnny Appleseed Johnny Appleseed Johnny Appleseed Johnny Appleseed

Johnny Appleseed Birthday: September 26, 1774.. “Johnny Appleseed traveled extensively across mid-western America and planted apple seeds wherever he went. Besides trees, he planted several small nurseries too and left them in the care of his neighbors, giving them a small share of his earnings. He built fences around the nurseries to protect them from livestock and returned every year or two to look after the nurseries.” READ MORE

(I didn’t know this) “The apples that Johnny planted were not considered to be edible but were commonly known as “spitters,” suggesting what one would do after taking the first bite. His small and tart apples were used to made hard cider and applejack. In those days, cider was more popular than beer, whisky, or any other alcoholic drink, owing to the fact that it was cheaper than any other drink.”

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Pigeon Roost Farm and Great Pumpkin Fun Center in Hebron, Ohio. (This is in Johnny Appleseed land)

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After Apple-Picking

BY ROBERT FROST

My long two-pointed ladder's sticking through a tree

Toward heaven still,

And there's a barrel that I didn't fill

Beside it, and there may be two or three

Apples I didn't pick upon some bough.

But I am done with apple-picking now.

Essence of winter sleep is on the night,

The scent of apples: I am drowsing off.

I cannot rub the strangeness from my sight

I got from looking through a pane of glass

I skimmed this morning from the drinking trough

And held against the world of hoary grass.

It melted, and I let it fall and break. READ MORE

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Have a great day. If you don’t leave a comment Linda will put you in the “Time Out Chair.” LOL

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Hot Springs, NC .. A.T. Trail .. Francis Scott Fitzgerald Born September 24, 1896 .. A Drunk Story……

Hot Springs, NC Hot Springs, NC Francis Scott Fitzgerald Francis Scott Fitzgerald A Drunk Story

 Hot Springs is a town in Madison County, North Carolina, United States. The population was 560 at the 2010 census. It is part of the Asheville Metropolitan Statistical Area. Wikipedia

Appalachian Trail Hikers Resource Guide for Hot Springs .. Laughing Heart Lodge and Hostel Located on NC 25/70 across from the elementary school, hikers can’t miss the Laughing Heart Lodge and Hostel. You can pitch a tent there for $10, which includes shower access.

After being on the trail all day:: Soak and relax in earth’s healing mineral waters For centuries the naturally warmed mineral waters of Hot Springs, NC have been cherished and enjoyed.

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Happy Birthday F. Scott Fitzgerald Happy Birthday F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald was an American fiction writer, whose works illustrate the Jazz Age. While he achieved limited success in his lifetime, he is now widely regarded as one of the greatest American writers of the 20th century. Fitzgerald is considered a member of the "Lost Generation" of the 1920s.” Wikipedia

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.”

“Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.”

“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”

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Maybe F. Scott Fitzgerald drank a little to much::

A really drunk guy walked out of a bar stumbling back and forth with car keys in his hand. A  nearby cop saw this and said,

“Hello Sir, Can I help you ?”

“Yesssh! Ssomebodyyy sstole my carr”, the man replied.

The cop inquired, “Where did you see you car last time?”

Drunk : “It was on the end of this key”.

At the same time the cop looked down and saw the man’s wiener carelessly hanging out of his fly. So he asked the man, “Excuse me Sir, Are you aware that you are currently exposing yourself?”

Confused for a moment, the drunk looked down at his crotch and without wasting a second, blurted out….

“Holy shit! What the hell… My girlfriend’s gone too !!”

F.Y.I. The beds may not be the most comfortable at the hostel, but sure beats sleeping on the ground…..  Have a great day. A Quality time Day.

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