Friday, March 18, 2022

A blonde decides to try horseback riding.... Psychiatrist vs. Bartender... The Man Wears The Pants In The Family.... Relax In Amish Country Ohio.... Open Your Package....


Blondie was an incredibly underrated band ahead of its time. They had fantastic musicians, amazing drummer , & a very gifted extremely sexy lead singer

Subject: FW: : Psychiatrist vs. Bartender
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him:
“I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink.
"Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“One hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
“Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Stan, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.


Today's Quotes:::: “It is easy to love people in memory; the hard thing is to love them when they are there in front of you.”
“Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them. ”
“If you have the guts to be yourself, other people'll pay your price.”
“The artist brings something into the world that didn't exist before, and he does it without destroying something else. ”
“Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more.”
“We do survive every moment, after all, except the last one.”
― John Updike
Thought For Today “Everyone is gifted - but some people never open their package!” ― Wolfgang Riebe

AMISH COUNTRY OHIO..... Pace yourself and ease on down
the road to relaxation.

Might as well relax with some Country Cured Beef Jerky... Have A Great Day.. J. T.

1 comment:

Snowbrush said...

You're a treat, Joe.

I used to visit Shaker communities rather often. In Maine, I met a man who, I assume, was one of the last Shakers. A bit before that time, the community that fancied itself the head Shaker community proclaimed that no more people would be taken into membership, but the Maine group accepted this man into membership because they denied that the other community (which I think was in New Hampshire) had a right to end the existence of their religion.

I loved the humor, which I shared with Peggy. It's a tough call, but I think I liked the bartender joke more than the blonde joke.