Saturday, October 19, 2019

How Washington Works

"This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to do and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody would do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done."


Friday, October 18, 2019

If our promises are meaningless

Retired Admiral William H. McRaven writes, "If our promises are meaningless, how will our allies ever trust us? If we can’t have faith in our nation’s principles, why would the men and women of this nation join the military?"………………………. Sen. Romney: "What we have done to the Kurds will stand as a blood stain in the annals of American history."………… "I’m not just an overrated general. I’m the most overrated general," Mattis says. "I'm honored to be considered that by Donald Trump because he also called Meryl Streep an overrated actress. So I guess I'm the Meryl Streep of generals, and frankly that sounds pretty good to me."…………………. Gen. Mazloum Kobani, commander in chief of the Syrian Democratic Forces, told @NBCNews that he recently spoke to President Trump and was assured that "there would not be a massacre against the Kurds" and that Trump would stop the invasion immediately.

Thursday, October 17, 2019

Waiting For President Trump

An American and a Russian are arguing about which country has more freedom. The American says, “I can walk right up to the White House and shout 'Down with Donald Trump!' and nothing bad will happen to me.” The Russian replies, “Guess what? I can walk in front of Kremlin and shout 'Down with Donald Trump!' and nothing will happen to me either.”

A Russian, a Frenchman and an American argued who was the bravest man. The American said, "For example, we take ten cars of which one has no brakes. We throw dice, each of us gets a car, we drive on a mountain road. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him there."
"That's nothing," the Frenchman said. "We choose ten girls and one of them has AIDS. We throw dice and each one of us gets a girl, and we make love to them throughout the night. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him."

The Russian said, "We gather in an apartment, even though we know that one of us must be an informer. We tell political jokes throughout the night, and then nine are in jail, and one visits the nine there."

Deep within the woods near Lake Hope State Park, the supposedly haunted Moonville Tunnel is one of the few reminders of the small mining town of Moonville which has otherwise disappeared from the map.

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

To Much Drinking

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
“When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
  1. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
  2. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
  3. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
  4. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
  5. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
  6. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
  7. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
  8. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
  9. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
  10. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
  11. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A- Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
  12. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
  13. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mohican State Park is a 1,110-acre Ohio state park in Ashland County, Ohio, United States, about 5 miles south of downtown Loudonville. The state park sits on the south shore of Pleasant Hill Lake and is surrounded by the 4,525-acre Mohican-Memorial State Forest.

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Arguing With A Woman

During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.  When the baby began crying during   the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.                                                        
The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly                                          offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "that's a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!"
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.
The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed,
"And all these years, I've been chewing gum." 

Sunday, October 13, 2019

Pastor Goes To Dentist For A Set Of False Teeth

A husband and wife who worked for the circus went to an adoption agency.
The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.*
The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot motor home, which was
clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.*

*The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would
 receive while in the couple's care.* *"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the  usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."* *Then the social workers expressed concern about a child being raised in a circus environment* *Our nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."* *The social workers were finally satisfied.* *They asked, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"*
*"It doesn't really matter ... as long as the kid fits in the cannon."*

The Louisville Slugger Museum & Factory, is a museum and factory tour attraction located in Louisville, Kentucky's "Museum Row", part of the West Main District of downtown. The museum showcases the story of Louisville Slugger baseball bats in baseball and in American history.